Most families first notice a kitchen problem as a smell, a warm pan, or a neighbour's knock. Nobody sets out to leave the stove on. The slip usually starts with a small change in how a familiar task gets finished, and it is easy to explain away.

Local option: New Plan Care gives families in the St. Louis area in-home help so a parent can stay home: companionship, help with bathing and dressing, meals, and overnight care. Call (314) 405-0887.

This guide is about those early signs in the kitchen and around the appliances, and about what to check, ask, and compare before you bring in support. It is not a way of judging the person you care for. It is a way of looking at the house the way a careful visitor would.

What tends to go first

Watch for a pot left on the burner after the meal is served, a kettle that has boiled dry, a tea towel found on a hob, or a knob turned without anyone remembering turning it. Look for food left out on the counter, a fridge door standing open, or a microwave run far longer than the packet says. Some families notice that the same mug or pan keeps turning up in an odd place. Each one is a small thing. Together they tell you the kitchen has become harder to keep track of.

Also notice what has stopped happening. Meals may come from packets instead of from cooking. A smoke alarm may chirp for a battery that nobody has replaced. An oven may still hold a half-finished dish from days before.

Check the house before you check the person

Start with the equipment, because equipment can often be fixed in an afternoon. Ask whether the stove has an automatic shut-off, and whether that feature is switched on. Look at the knobs and check whether the markings are easy to read. Test every smoke alarm and carbon monoxide alarm in the home, and agree on one person who owns the battery schedule. Check the water heater setting so the tap water cannot scald. Make sure the path from the bed to the kitchen and to the back door has a clear light at night.

Some fire departments in the St. Louis area will visit a home on request to look over alarms and exits, and some utility companies offer appliance checks. Ask your local fire department and your utility what they offer. Keep the fire department's number near the top of the phone list where anyone in the house can find it quickly.

Ask the agency what it does in the kitchen

When you visit or interview an agency, ask plain questions. Will the helper cook, or only warm food that someone else has prepared? If the helper finds a burner left on, what is the first step, and who is called next? Does the agency rely on a shut-off device the family installs, or does it have its own process? Who makes the call if no family member can be reached? Ask to see the written notes an aide keeps about the kitchen, and ask how those notes reach the family. A good answer is specific and a little dull. A vague answer that depends only on the helper's good sense is worth pressing on.

Put the answers from each agency side by side, on the same questions, and write them down. The How We Rate Memory Support page explains the criteria behind our ranking, which may help if you are weighing several options.

What to do when a slip happens

Do not scold. A sharp reaction teaches a person to hide the problem. Turn off the appliance calmly, then write down what happened, when, and where. Tell the family or the agency the same day. If the same kind of slip happens again and again, bring the notes to the family's doctor, who can judge what they mean. Health questions go to the family's doctor, not to a helper or an agency.

If there has been a close call, such as smoke or a fire scare, the first call is to emergency services, and the second is to the family. Keep the notes that follow each event. They are the strongest evidence you will have when the next conversation about support comes up.

Questions to ask yourself at the end of the day

Has anything in the kitchen been left on, left out, or left open this week? Has a meal been skipped or repeated? Has someone in the house noticed a change before you did? If you answered yes to more than one of these, the arrangement may need more help during the kitchen hours, not less. For ways to keep the day steady in the meantime, read Early Memory Loss at Home and Keeping Routine as Memory Slips.