Families who are thinking about help at home often ask one question: should we do this ourselves or hire it out? The honest answer is usually a mix. Most weeks need both. The useful work is sorting the jobs, one by one, so the choice rests on the details rather than on guilt.

Local option: New Plan Care gives families in the St. Louis area in-home help so a parent can stay home: companionship, help with bathing and dressing, meals, and overnight care. Call (314) 405-0887.

This guide is about that sorting. It does not tell you what your family owes each other. It gives you a list to work from.

Write down the week

Take a sheet of paper and list every job the person you care for relies on in a normal week. Include the small ones: the grocery run, the trash and recycling bins, the laundry, the bed linens, the lunch company, the ride to an appointment, the walk around the block, the bills paid on time, and the check that the doors are locked at night.

Make three piles

Pile one is for jobs the family keeps. These tend to be the jobs that carry the relationship, such as a weekly phone call, a visit on a set day, or decisions that only a relative should make.

Pile two is for jobs to hand to a helper. These are the repeated, hands-on tasks that need someone in the house at a set hour, such as lunch company, laundry, bed linens, a walk, or a set check of the doors.

Pile three is for jobs that can be shared. A neighbor could bring in the bins. A friend could drive to one appointment. A faith or community group might cover a regular meal. Shared jobs need a name beside them, or they quietly fall to whoever notices first.

Test each pile

For every job in the second and third piles, ask three questions. Does it happen at the same time each week? Does it need a person who knows the house? Would the person you care for be unsettled if someone new did the job? If the first two answers are yes, the job belongs with the helper. If the third answer is yes, plan a short introduction and keep the job steady.

Watch for jobs that only one person knows how to do. Write those down in full. A job that lives in one person's head is the first thing to go missing when that person is tired.

Check the balance honestly

When the three piles are done, look at what is left on the family's side. Is it realistic for the people you named? Is anyone carrying all of pile one? If so, the answer may be a different schedule, a different person, or a helper for a few hours a week, rather than a plan that depends on one tired relative.

For a plain walk through a whole day, read A Day of Support at Home. It shows how the piles fit together from morning until night.